Do you ever feel like you age in spurts, the same way your height grows when you’re a kid?

I’ve been feeling like I’ve been going through an awkward phase the past couple of months, where I lurched a little older. There’s only so many days you can say, “Why do I look so tired today?” before you realize that’s just your face now. But at long last, I look not so much tired, as I do simply 40.

I finally recognize my face again. “Oh, yes, that’s me at 40.” It may just be psychological. All of entertainment has strict divisions between ingenue and leading lady, bratty domme and mature domme, hot new thing and grizzled blues woman.

I’m not sure I was ready for the change of category even as it became undeniable. You can know intellectually that aging is natural and that youth does not equal beauty, and that it’s not about seeming young, it’s about embodying beauty at any age…But it’s always such a sudden lurching. It can take a minute to adjust when you glance in the mirror and say, “Who is that middle aged person?”

But today, when I saw myself, I thought, “Who is that middle aged person? 😘”

Which means at long last, I’m ready to show my face again.